Why The Cabin in the Woods is My Favorite Horror Movie

I have never been a fan of the horror genre of film. I have seen very few that find a balance between scares, suspense, and decent storytelling. If you asked me before what my favorite horror movie was, I would say The Shining in the blink of an eye. That said, I don’t have the desire to watch it over and over again. This is what separates The Shining from what is not only my new favorite horror movie, but one of my new favorite movies in general: The Cabin in the Woods.

I went into this hearing mixed things about it. Some audiences were apparently not happy with it because it wasn’t what it was advertised as. Critics gave it praise, however, which is the opinion I consider when going into a movie. But you’re not reading this (hopefully) for me to tell you what other people thought about it. You, fellow film critic or blogger, are reading this to hear my opinion.

Like I said before, there are few horror movies that balance scares, suspense, and storytelling. This movie not only succeeded my expectations in these categories, it surpassed them.

The first thing you should think of when you watch a horror movie is being scared. You want to watch something that captures the feeling of vulnerability and terror without actually being exposed to harm. This movie delivers that like any other horror movie out there. You get your stereotypical zombies with your cliche creepy cabin in your average haunted forest; it’s written familiar on purpose, though. What makes it stand out is its connection to its storytelling, which I’ll explain in a bit.

What is just as important as the scares is the suspense that builds up to them. This movie has impeccable timing on creating the tension that builds up to its most shocking moments. A handful of them were predictable, but it was fun trying to guess when and how someone bit the dust. Again, this isn’t anything special compared to other horror movies, but it ties into its unique and creative storytelling.

Now that I’ve hyped it up so much, I should just say it: the storying telling in The Cabin in the Woods is some of the best I’ve seen on film. This means  all of the characters, the humor, and the plot are all top-notch. Without spoiling much, the story explains the tropes you would find in all of the horror movies. Like why it’s always about a bunch of stupid teenagers getting killed, why the person who has sex dies first, or why there’s monsters that appear out of nowhere. Every little thing is explained, and it all adds up to easily one of the most exciting climaxes I’ve witnessed. There’s even a subtle hint a few minutes into the movie that ties into one of the best plot twists in the script. Every character is enjoyable, especially the teenager who is constantly doing drugs the entire time. And it is surprisingly funny as well. There wasn’t a joke that left a bad taste in my mouth that I can remember. The mystery that the movie builds up had my brother and I guessing the entire time, and certainly satisfied us when the secret was revealed.

Overall, this is quite simply my favorite horror movie I’ve watched. It’s a scary, suspenseful, and well written masterpiece that I could watch again and again. I can’t even come up with a last second thing to complain about. I would even if you’re not a fan of horror movies, give this a chance. It might just surprise you the same why it did me.

I give this movie nine film reels out of ten.

Why Skyward Sword is Easily the Worst Zelda Game Yet

Before I begin, I would like to dedicate this song to Nintendo… *clears throat*

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.”

In 2011, I got The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword for the Wii. I was so hyped to play this game from all the trailers I’d seen and articles I’d read about it. It would use the one-to-one controls with the Wii Motion Plus add on as seen in Wii Sports Resort. That, plus it was the first game in the series that included flying as transportation! What’s not to love, right guys?

Guys? Where did you all go?

That how I felt about halfway through the game; abandoned and forgotten. What happened to the adventure? What happened to the mystery? And, most importantly, what happened to the fun?

In case you’re blissfully unaware of the Zelda series, it is one of Nintendo’s biggest and most successful game franchises they’ve created. There are 14 official games in the series’ cannon, with at least three of them (the first, A Link to the Past, and Ocarina of Time) considered some of the best games ever created. Expectations are high for each new entry in the series, and practically each game has been well received by critics and players alike. Even Skyward Sword received generally strong reviews across the board.

But this, my fellow players and bloggers, is a mistake.

When I play a Zelda game, I expect three crucial things from it: adventure, mystery, and fun. My personal favorite in the Zelda series is definitely The Wind Waker. The fighting was fast and fluid, the ocean was vast and detailed, and almost all of the 49 islands captured a sense of mystery and wonder. My follow up game would be Ocarina of Time only because of the dated graphics and clunkier fighting (but that’s another story). What first attracted me to Skyward Sword was actually it’s visual style, which was a mix of The Wind Waker and Twilight Princess. I enjoy a more cartoony art style over a realistic one myself, so to see this in the newest installment of Zelda intrigued me.

Hopes were high when I unwrapped that easily recognized 7.5 x 5.3 inch present. I could finally use my Wii Remote like the devastating weapon it was (just ask all of those traumatized broken TV owners thanks to Wii Sports Baseball). Imagine slashing Octoroks with 1:1 controls, bombing Dodongos with bombs like bowling balls, and facing Ganondarf in a real mono e mono sword duel.

Well, in some respects I got what I wished for. I never had an issue with the controls, and I did have a decent duel with some…thing. It wasn’t until I visited the first (and basically the only) three locales when I realized how lazily made this game was.

Let’s start with the adventure aspect. Take a look at the world map:

Now I want you to compare it to any other Zelda map before it. See the problem? This game is F#@$ing tiny, that’s the problem! There are only four, count ’em, FOUR locations you can visit! There is a central hub and a sky to fly around in, but there’s barely anything to find! And each of the three locations is only expanded upon once. So really there are about eight tiny regions that you can have a supposedly sweeping quest in. And when your exploring these regions, I swear I found hardly anything that was well hidden or even challenging to find. It was like I was exploring a test area for the game’s prototype, not a full game. So there’s barely any adventuring in this game: just get from point A to point B, and maybe, just maybe you’ll stumble across a heart piece or two.

Now let’s look at the mystery and wonder aspect. What I mean by this is that moment where you say to yourself, “What’s over there? There is something that is intriguing me over there, and I would like to go see what secrets I could find.” One of the best moments of this in any Zelda game I’ve played was in Ocarina of Time. When you travel to the future, Sheik tells you what places you’ll have to explore in order to find the seven sages to defeat Ganondorf. When he (later revealed to be a she) stated, “One [sage was] in the house of the dead…”, I got goosebumps. You’re tell me I have to eventually go to a dungeon called “the house of the dead”? I was so looking forward to getting to that point, and I was not disappointed when I got their either.

I can’t remember a single point in Skyward Sword when I got that sense of awe like I did in other Zelda games. I think maybe the coolest point was the Silent Realm challenges, just because the tone of those sections got spontaneously scary and suspenseful. Actually, those sections were the best part of the game, since it was so different to what you were doing before. But at no point was I looking forward to exploring a new area or dungeon. They all kind of meshed together, and no dungeon in particular stood out to me. Their was hardly any sense of mystery or wonder while playing this game; truly a fatal flaw for a game based around the idea of discovering the unknown.

The final aspect of the game is just how generally fun the game was. I want you to remember this face:

This is Fi, your guide throughout the game. Your emotionless, soulless, most frustrating guide you’ll get in any Zelda game. You thought Navi was annoying? I would rather listen to “Hey! Listen!” on repeat for an entire day than put up with this pathetic excuse of an mystical entity.

Now it makes sense to help a player become familiar with how a games works. Maybe an occasional hint or reminder every now and then later in the game is helpful, too. But there’s a difference between helping the player and stating the obvious. Some of her most “helpful” hints are, “Hey, do you hear that obnoxious beeping noise? That means your low on hearts!” or, “When your low on hearts, you should drink a health potion!” or, my personal favorite, “The Sacred Flames are in the volcano. You should search the flames.” This seems to be a reoccurring theme in the newer Nintendo games: treat the player like an idiot and hold their hand the entire way. It started with New Super Mario Bros Wii where you could have the computer beat a level for you Since then Nintendo has either included that or a video tutorial on how to beat a challenging level. At least those other games had it optional; in this Fi tells you these stupid hints all the way up to the final boss. Even when you ask for a hint on a puzzle or boss, it’s the most vague thing anyone could think of and helps you in no possible way. A stupid guide is one of the worst things you could add to Zelda, and Nintendo managed to accomplish that here.

Like I said, then gameplay was fun enough; no complaints actually. But here’s my biggest problem, which I read from another review. This is the structure of the entire game:

1. Introduction to the game
2. Dowsing rod challenge > Complete dungeon (all three surface provinces)
3. Fight The Imprisoned
4. Silent Realm challenge > Complete quest in slightly expanded environments > Complete dungeon (all three surface provinces)
5. Fight The Imprisoned, now with toes
6. Levias quest
7. Fight The Imprisoned, now with toes and arms
8. Visit all three surface provinces again to find their respective dragons, each time completing a challenge to prove your worth
9. Silent Realm challenge > Complete dungeon (Skyloft)
10. Fight end bosses

This game…is so…damn…repetitive. This is the absolute worse sin you could do to Zelda. You do the same S&^! over and over and over again. I got so bored when I figured out all I had to do was do the same three things again and again. And that, my fellow gamers and bloggers, is why Skyward Sword is the worse Zelda game yet: it is boring. It simply was not fun. At all. The only fun I can remember was from three boss fights. That’s it. What a huge let down from one of the best video game series I’ve ever played. Probably the only redeeming factor I can think of is the story, with one or two fun characters and explaining some origins of the Hyrule mythos.

I think I’ve proven my point; No adventure, no mystery, and, most importantly, not fun. Last christmas, Nintendo stole my heart, so this year, I gave it to Microsoft. When I beat Skyrim, I’ll make sure to write about the adventure of a lifetime I’m having with that game.

I give this game three and a half film reels out of ten.

So, my mom told me about her job having a blog. I’ve never came up with a good reason for one myself, but then it hit me: maybe someone out their cares about my opinions on stuff that doesn’t really matter. Kind of like in the movie “Julie and Julia”, except my blog would be more about what I’ve seen, played, or heard about. I’ll give this a shot, and if it lasts, who knows? Maybe I’ll make my own cookbook, too.

My first blogpost. Yeah.